Sam Palmer was 81 years old. His eyesight was failing, his hearing was diminished, and his reflexes had slowed. Still, he insisted on driving with maddening slowness and inaccuracy, according to other drivers. One day, Sam got into a minor accident fortunately, no one was injured. The benefit of this mishap was that Sam finally admitted it was time to stop driving. He made the decision himself, and his loved ones were relieved.

It's true that after 75, drivers are at greater risk for collision--almost the same accident rate of drivers 16 to 24. However, unlike youth, older drivers cannot withstand the physical trauma so well, and the fatality rate is increased.

It doesn't take an accident to decide it's time to stop driving. More subtle clues are: loss of confidence; confusion; getting lost in familiar territory; slowed reaction times; side effects of medication. If you've assessed that your loved one should stop driving, discuss it openly. Start by asking: “Do you feel safe behind the wheel?”

Keep such questions going. Discuss current situations, such as: “There's so much road rage out there. Just now, coming over here, ” Or, “Did you read about that accident on your street last week?” “There's so much construction going on, the roadbeds are uneven and it's like an obstacle course ”

These conversations help ease older drivers into considering alternate means of transportation. They may

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decide for themselves that it's time to limit or stop driving, stay on safer roads, avoid major highways, or take public transportation at least in inclement weather. Once a driver decides to turn over the car keys, s/he can donate or sell the car. If the person makes this decision independently, there will be a sense of volition: “I did it my way, in my own time.”

Who should have this initial conversation? Who will the person listen to? Obviously, someone they trust: spouse, friend, close relative, physician, caregiver, clergy. Rarely does anyone want to have this discussion with the law. However, it may be necessary to involve the police if the person has accidents and won't limit his/her driving.

Don't postpone these crucial conversations because you're afraid the person may be angry or hurt, or out of guilt about curbing their freedom. To avoid injury and possible death, do not avoid uncomfortable verbal encounters.

Guidelines for Taking Action

Research before you begin your conversation, including firsthand observation of symptoms and clues, and side effects of Rx.
Let the person drive you around more than once. Are they hesitant? Reckless?
Arrange tests for reflexes, flexibility, visual and aural acuity at a rehab center, doctor's office, hospital or VA Medical center.
If an individual refuses to stop driving, seek the support of a physician, who may advise a driving assessment.
Contact your state licensing agency or the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety at www.hwysafety.org
Look into alternatives that will enhance the person's mobility:
o Find someone to drive them at night or in bad weather.
o Have them take public transportation to avoid having to deal with parking.
o Save (and earn) money by selling the car

For further information, obtain these publications: “We Need to Talk Family Conversations With Older Drivers” and “At the Crossroads: A guide to Alzheimer's Disease, Dementia and Driving.” Write:

The Hartford
Family Conversations with Older Drivers
200 Executive Blvd.
Southington, CT 06489

Other resources:

AARP Driver Safety Program
www.aarp.org/drive
888-227-7669

National Highway Traffic Safety Administration
www.nhtsa.gov

National Safety Council
www.nsc.org
www.TheDefensiveDrivingSchool.com

Email your experiences. If possible, we'll print your viewpoint or respond individually to learn from one another.

Joyce Cohen is a leading figure in the field of career development and life planning. She consults with organizations of all sizes and leads seminars on career management, mentoring, learning organizations, creative aging, retirement planning, growth and renewal, and other topics related to successful life planning.

Joyce can be reached at joyce@u-wisdom.com and will answer questions as space permits.

The opinions expressed are the author's and not necessarily those of connpost.com. Please direct comments to cdauber@ctpost.com.