My husband and I are both in our late 70s. We have a quiet life together and enjoy it. Our three kids live in three different states. They keep in touch and call all the time. My husband has had some forgetfulness over the last year or so, but he still manages quite well. I am now responsible for managing our money and I help him with his medications. I also do what most old-fashioned wives do: cook, clean, wash and dust around the house. I'm having surgery soon. My doctor says I will be out in about a week. I will be in the intensive care unit after surgery. My neighbor will check on my husband when I am in the hospital. I am planning to prepare a fridge full of food for him and to buy extra stuff for the freezer. I do not know what else to do to help my husband get through when I am away. I spoke with all of my kids about my surgery, but rather briefly. Do you think that what I have planned is enough? My husband is getting anxious as the surgery approaches. What else should I do? — Stella

A: All of your ideas are very good. Assuming that there are no complications, your husband should be fine with the help you organized. We will call your plan "plan A." However, we will need to add to your plans and call it "plan B," in case you will be staying in the hospital a little longer.

First, I would identify a person to make decisions about your health and finances when you are unable to do so. You may choose to have your husband be this person, or you may consider

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naming one of your children or close friends. More than one person can be given the responsibility, but I would not have too many people involved. You will need to sign a document with a notary public called a durable power of attorney in which you will put the name or names of your helpers. (You do not need a lawyer here.) This is to make things clear for the doctors and the rest of your family.

You also need to help the person who will have the power of attorney know what your preferences are in case of problems. It is not easy to think about, but it is necessary. It will give you peace of mind and assure that your voice is still heard, even though you may be under anesthesia.

Now, about "plan B." This plan assumes that you will not return as expected. I know it is scary to think about, and highly unlikely, but you need to do it for the sake of your husband. Imagine that you were gone for, say, a full month. Will your husband be able to manage? From your letter it sounds like you are helping him with his pills and that you take care of the household chores and money.

The friend who is helping may not be able to devote a lot of time to help. That is why I suggest having names and numbers for agencies where you can hire help. In Connecticut, calling 211 may give you a good start. You will need to put aside some money for this task.

Make a list of things which will need to be done on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. If you can, take care of the bills and medication refills. I would also suggest discussing plan B with your children. Even if they are not able to get personally involved, they may help by organizing and following plan B with your friends and hired help. If you will rely mostly on "informal" help (your friends), you should consider involving more than one person. On a lighter note, get a haircut and manicure before your surgery to pamper yourself and to relax. I am sure you both will be fine.

Dr. Beata Skudlarska is a Bridgeport geriatrician. Send questions to Bridgeport Hospital Center for Geriatrics, 95 Armory Road, Stratford CT 06614 or geriatricmd@aol.com.