Despite our best efforts to bring it down, the English language has managed to reach the ripe old age of, give or take, 1,500 years. (Rumors to the contrary, Yours Truly was not present for the creation.)

What is driving the meteoric growth of the English word count is the increasing use of "ethnic hybrid" words, combinations like Spanglish (Spanish-English) and Chinglish (Chinese-English). The Sunday Times piece says there are some 60 hybrid languages including Japlish, and Hinglish (Hindi-English). An example of Chinglish is the word "drinktea," which has nothing to do with sipping oolong, but means "closed," as in: "I went to the cleaners, but it was drinktea." I am not making this up. "Drinktea" is the Mandarin Chinese word for resting spliced to its opposite "torunbusiness," meaning open. (Don't ask. Linguists are paid big money to come up with this stuff.)

Who's doing the counting, you may ask? For one, an organization called the Global Language Monitor in San Diego, Calif., that keeps a word-for-word database.

When the millionth word does enter the language, there is sure to be a big celebration with prizes, confetti and free coffee, like when the millionth customer walks into a supermarket. Hoping to cash in on this bonanza, we have spent considerable time and effort creating some ethnic hybrid words that we think could be that millionth entry.

Avtrekveep — Meaning accidentally filled with tiny pellets. From the Norwegian word for trigger

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and the reference to the vice president of the United States.

Bridgefessle — Meaning time spent in a federal facility or in the custody of beefy U.S. marshals. From the German word for shackles and the first part of the name of a medium-sized northeastern city.

Curlingelato — Meaning so boring it's impossible to put into words. From the name of an Olympic sport where rocks are thrust down a slab of ice and the Italian word for brain freeze.

Dourfema — Meaning a thing with no easily discerned use to man or animals. From the Portuguese word for Brownie and the name of a procrastinating federal agency.

WMDnoxb — Meaning something that magically vanishes from the face of the earth. From the initials for weapons of mass destruction and the Russian word for little white lie (or a reasonable facsimile thereof).

Bodenebl — Meaning the ability to negotiate obstacles at high speeds while stoned out of your spandex tights. From the first name of a well-known American skier and the Spanish word for "in a haze."

Blindenrell — Meaning the ability to be blissfully unaware of the crime and corruption happening under your nose. From the German word for blind and the name of a former lieutenant governor. There you have them, our candidates for the millionth word in the English language. When the winner is announced you will be the first to know.

Charles Walsh's column appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday. You can reach him by phone at 330-6217 or bye-mail at cwalsh@ctpost.com.